So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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