If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
