My balls are so social today.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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