By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
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got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
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Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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