You're my little dorito
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
