chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
