i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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