mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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