I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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