u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
