During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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