You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
