I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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