She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
