It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
