at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
