I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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