My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize
