Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Randomize
