i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
