I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I understand Curling. That high.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just invented taco cereal.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
