my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
