i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
