Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
