Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
