DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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