the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
