i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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