3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
