wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
