I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dignity is for republicans.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
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i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
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Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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