hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
