Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
