I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
