I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
