Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
