We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Boobs speak an international language.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
