I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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