Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
