I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
