Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
