is your mom at the bar?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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