Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
