Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
