I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
