Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
