I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
