omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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