i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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