I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
