My Higher Power is John Stamos
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
