just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
