Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
