The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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