i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
