The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
