Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
