I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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