ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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