Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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