Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
