what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
