Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
