We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
