Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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