you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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