You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
