She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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