She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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