On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
