Acid is not a monday night drug
I queefed so loud it echoed.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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